My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
