Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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