dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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