I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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