He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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