She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
