I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
