She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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