Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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