A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
