Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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