haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
