I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Terrible idea I love it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
