If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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