i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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