As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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