And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
