It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
