Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
