I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
