I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
