whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
