The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
