He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
