Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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