i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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