I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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