Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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