Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
