Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
