I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
