How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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