next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
