So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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