i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
