im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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