this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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