he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
