I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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