I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
