What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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