you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
