toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
