my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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