bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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