Dual....:-)
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
