She's JV to your varsity
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
