Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
