Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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