At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
