She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
