Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never underestimate the power of titties
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
