Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
