My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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