Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
